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Tough Pill To Swallow

October 15, 2009


At dinner last night, my (grand)Pop and I were talking about my possible upcoming move. (The news I’ve hinted at but refrained to spill, because it’s not quite finalized.) He asked if I was still thinking of moving across the globe. I am. If the offer is right, the money is enough, then yes, I am moving there. I really would love to do this. I know it’s hard for an old man to see why this young woman would like to travel and experience the world, including the third world. It’s hard for him to understand why I don’t have a stable job, especially since when he was my age he was married, with children and doing his damndest to support his young family. In those days, anyone could find a job. You didn’t have to be smart, but you did have to be willing to work. Or so he tells me. So he looks at me, my seemingly laissez-faire attitude and doesn’t understand. I don’t blame him.

But times have changed. You no longer work for a company and expect that they’ll take care of you. In fact, does anyone work for the same company for the entirety of their career anymore? Careers are looked at as journeys and each job along the way is a stepping stone to the next. A container of experience that will run its course. And when it does, I move on.

I finally feel like I’m in a place where I’ve learned some very important lessons. I finally took the time to examine my situation and learn from my mistakes. I’m confident that I’ll fail again in the future, but I’m also confident that I won’t make the same mistakes. I never want to stop learning, which means that I’ll stumble, fall and fail forever. But it’s the analyzing and getting back up that’s important. I’m proud to have the courage to look at my mistakes and the self-awareness to make changes as needed.

So when an opportunity to move across the world presented itself, I was naturally interested. But not just because I’m a reckless soul stricken with wanderlust as my mother might have you believe. True, I don’t like to be tied down to any one place for any period of length, but that’s because traveling opens doors for growth that are otherwise closed. Traveling allows me to connect with new people and learn more about myself than I would sitting at home watching reality television. And this particular opportunity would give me a chance to continue the work I love doing while bringing me nearer my mentor, strengthening important skills & helping a community in need. So, yes, I’m interested. And no, it’s not because I’m reckless, irresponsible or selfish. Actually, I believe I’m far from all of those things.

This is all a long exposition to help get back to the conversation with my grandfather this evening. My beloved Pop is one of the most dear people in my life, someone whom I love more than anyone else in this world. When he said to me, “Well if you go, I’ll probably never see you again,” I was stopped in my tracks. A flood of questions and thoughts rushed through my mind, but mostly I have to think about whether I’m comfortable saying “see you later” before I board a plane when in reality I might not.

I may be jumping the proverbial gun as the offer hasn’t been finalized, but this is weighing heavily on my mind.

*If you’ve made it this far, then thank you for reading. I know it’s a bit different from my usual fare, but this is where my head and heart have been lately.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Delia permalink
    October 20, 2009 11:08 am

    *hugs* We need a date!

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